Stuck in the Loop of “I’m Crushing It” vs. “I’m a Total Failure”?
Welcome to all-or-nothing thinking.
The mental trap where life is either perfect or a disaster, with no room in between.
You’ve been hitting the gym, feeling great, then miss one workout or eat that pastry you swore off. Suddenly, it’s all ruined.
Or you nail your sleep routine for a week, only for one late-night scroll to convince you mornings aren’t for you.
This mindset turns small slip-ups into full-on catastrophes, keeping you on a rollercoaster of highs and lows.
But life isn’t black-and-white. It’s full-color. And the greys.
Messy, nuanced, and way more forgiving than your brain makes it out to be.
So, how do you step out of the extremes and start seeing the shades in between?
1️⃣ Celebrate Your Small Wins
First, ditch the idea that you must achieve huge goals to feel good about yourself.
Instead, start celebrating the small wins.
Ate a healthy meal? You’re awesome. Skipped that extra slice of pizza? You’re on fire.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about making progress.
Each small step is a victory that adds to the grand scheme.
2️⃣ Embrace Your Imperfections
Have you ever noticed some of the best stories come from the messiest situations?
Like how every top student occasionally flops a test or even the best chefs sometimes put too much salt?
Imperfections make life exciting and relatable. So when you mess up (we all do), don’t sweat it.
It’s just part of your story’s plot twist.
3️⃣ Practice Self-Compassion
When you do slip up, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Imagine your friend came to you feeling guilty for missing a workout or staying up late.
Would you tell them they’ve failed at life?
You’d definitely tell them to shrug it off. So why not treat yourself with the same kindness?
You deserve it.
4️⃣ Reframe Your Thinking
Instead of concluding that you’ve failed, try reframing the situation.
Instead of, “I’ve messed this up,” think, “This didn’t go as planned, but what can I learn from it?”
It’s all about turning setbacks into learning experiences rather than letting them define you.
5️⃣ Set Realistic Goals
Dream big, but make sure your goals are achievable.
If you set the bar too high, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, which only fuels all-or-nothing thinking.
Break your goals into smaller, manageable chunks.
Pat yourself on the back whenever you reach a milestone.
6️⃣ Focus on the Journey, Not The Destination
Remember, life isn’t just about the destination. It’s about the ride. Think of your journey like a road trip.
Sure, you might take a few wrong turns or encounter unexpected detours, but that makes the adventure memorable.
Embrace the bumps and turns. They’re all part of the experience.
Next Time You Catch Yourself
Spiraling into the all-or-nothing trap, remember that life is richer and more rewarding in the in-between.
The magic happens in the gray areas. The small wins, the imperfect moments, and the realistic goals.
By living between the lines, you’ll find a much more enjoyable and less stressful way to approach your goals and challenges.
So, start coloring your life with more nuance. It’s totally okay to fall short of your expectations. Just don’t let it define your entire day.
You have the power to change your thinking and embrace all life’s messy, beautiful shades.
Couldn’t have come at a better time! It’s like reading it was exactly what I needed. Thank you for sharing this insight.
I’m glad to hear that, Val! The book The Lost Art of Thinking by dives even deeper into this topic. Would you like me to share a copy with you via email?
Yes please.
Progress, not perfection, is what we should strive for because God acknowledges our limitations and guides us to do our best without burdening ourselves with unrealistic expectations. Just as He created the world step by step over six days, setting realistic goals and taking time to rest on the seventh, (from the creation story) we too can acknowledge the beauty in our progress, knowing that each step we take is valuable and right. God’s example shows us the importance of pacing ourselves and appreciating the journey. Psalms also speaks of God who is our shepherd who leads us to green pastures and still waters which brings peace and calmness to Us in spirit, our physical state and mentally.
It’s the pursuit of your ambitions, pursuit of your dreams that makes sense it worthwhile. Never about the destination. A beautiful reflection indeed.